It's about time I made my first post...

So, I guess I should introduce myself first...
First of all, I'm Rina. But however I feel like that name doesn't agree with me. I don't feel like Rina. I feel...well, right now I feel kinda like a blank space.
I type in purple. I always did, always do and always will, so don't let that put you off.
What is it that makes me different?
I don't think there is anything different about me. I'm just not the differen kind of person. I don't stand out, I stay in. I have plain chastnut brown hair which I'm dying to have streaked dark red and purple. I am well fed (read: I overeat when I get emotional and then I feel insecure about how I look). I have friends-sorry, scratch that-I had friends who made me happy. Now I don't have them. And once again I look at these 15 people in my class and wish I had a life, too.
I'll admit it, I am a hard-core pessimist.
I always feel the worst will happen--and most of the time it does.
In the idea of creating a "gray area" in which we all have common ground, my views and words represent soothing patches for wounds of the everlasting combat of Person vs. Self to use Lizzie's words.
I don't lok at the world through pink glasses;I see it with my own blurred vision which forces me to wear ugly pink-rimmed glasses. My own vision colours everything purple. Everything purple means, to me, everything worthless to pay attention to.
Maybe one day, however, I'll go through Zeph's metaphorical waterfall and the water flowing will cleanse my vision. And then everything will be good.
What has made me the way I am?
Before, I was a crybaby. I was the little kid.
I had to switch schools and go from an ultimately friendly environment to a violent, attacking one. I swear, I think most of the kids from my class smoke (we're 13, people!) and will probably do drugs by next year. The cool kids aren't a clique anymore; now they're a gang. A gang I don't fit in with. I only have 2 people I can trust in my class; one is a goofy mess who is still just a kid and doesn't have the problems the "big girls" do. The other one is just a mess who has to be pulled away from the biggest wannabe on Earth and restore her character. (I love to do that.)
They, naturally, are geeks-the group I always fitted in with the best.
So the thing that has made me who I am is my school environement. I learned the fake smile;I learned the "frienemy" attitude;I learned to see through people better and I learned who not to trust, no matter what. But most of all, I have learned to swallow the tears. They have never seen me cry. They pull my hair, steal my stuff and throw in around, they hit me with books and pencils. But I don't cry. They are not going to break me, because they built the barrier around me. I couldn't do it myself....
*update*
I also forgot to mention how perfect this layout is. Amazing, Zeph. Fucking amazing.