My Memory

I've been having some trouble with my memory. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid like my mom sometimes is. Or maybe there is something wrong. Maybe I have amnesia... like Jason Bourne. Or maybe it's short-term memory loss... like Dory from Finding Nemo. They seem to make it work. But somehow I can't picture myself beating up CIA assassins with my bare hands or singing a song about swimming, no matter how adorable it may be. Anyway. Back to the point.

I'm worried about it. To put it frankly, my memory's been sucking lately. It's not like huge things, like my name or my birthday or anything. I can remember those fine. It's little things. For instance, I'll make myself a mental list of things I need to do (ie: charge cell phone, charge iPod, get history book from basement, etc.) and if I don't write it down, there's a really good chance I'll forget something on the list. And then I'll know I've forgotten something, but I have no clue whatsoever as to what it is. It's incredibly frustrating.

And the weird thing is, remembering music isn't really a problem. I play the violin (more like Celtic/Irish tunes... yeah... I play the fiddle... please don't make fun of me. I'll kick your ass. :-P) and I don't read music. I learn by ear, and my teacher puts the songs on my tape recorder. Maybe it's just musical talent or whatever, but I don't have a really hard time remembering my songs. If I don't practice them enough, the next time I play them it doesn't sound great, but that happens to everyone.

So what's wrong with me? I'm sure I had a ton of other examples to put in here, but what do you know? I've forgotten them.

I hope you all had a good holiday. Enjoy your New Year.

Sincerely,
Aravis

Oops.

Yup, overwhelming guilt. And avalanche of school stuff a week before winter break. 20 days off. Yippee.
So, life has been steady recently, and I brought an important decision last weekend; I'm finished with guys until I'm in high school. So, yeah. My New Year plans are falling apart and I'm going to the ice-skating rink tommorrow with Tina, Annie, Daniel, Anastasia, Mims && the twins. Hella fun. Tina, Daniel and I are the only ones who can actually skate and since Daniel is my ex-crush, the girls are gonna be all over me.
I hate winter.
My fingers are going to freeze off as I type.
Fucking snow everywhere, the jolly season they call it.
Well, speak for yourself.

xx.
The Kittster.

The Moon

Today we were driving home from my grandparents' Christmas party. We were merging onto the highway when I saw the moon. It was perfectly circular, and a beautiful shade of ivory. Then, about twenty minutes later, I saw it again when we were pulling into our driveway. It was smaller, but still perfect and bright. It got me thinking. The world, when you think about it, is kind of a small place. Yet there are still endless adventures and experiences to be had in it. So many places to go, cultures to experience.... It's funny how the seemingly most insignificant thing can stir up so many thoughts.

I don't really have anything important to say here, but I feel guilty for not posting in a while. I hope you all are doing okay, wherever you are.

Happy holidays to those of you who are celebrating, and if not, have a happy December anyway.

Sincerely,
Aravis

Climbing the ladder.

Sorry for not posting in a while; my grades were getting WAY out of hand and my computer has been password protected..:( Just as I wanted to make this post, BAM! Power goes out. I made several drafts and didn't like them. :/ So, here goes.


Today's post is about climbing the ladder. Which ladder? The social one, of course.


I have never ever seen a person climb the social ladder as fast and in a strange way as me.


I did.


Accidentally.


Long story, which I would rather not explain now, little splinters still pierce me in the shoulder when I do.


So, thing is,


Am I actually higher up on the social ladder or am I just swinging on a fragile thread next to it?


[Crap, that sounded way better in my head.]


I haven't ditched my other friends, the people that mean the most to me.


But.................................


Hanging with the "populars" [not the whole society, of course; just those 4 people or smthing.] turns out to be much more fun than I thought. Drawing cool scene dolls and HKs with Laura, making the perfect "Womanizer" duet with Martina and even chatting with Vicky about what will her career be, psychiatrist or marriage councilor-that's awesome. They're awesome. So, climbing the social ladder is fragile. Balance the cliques well and you will learn to climb fast, and easy. However, I'd much rather just have the part of sitting with Laura & Alex [My bff Alexandra, I'll just shorthen it that way] in shorter classes and ROFLing with Vicky, sitting aside in PE with Martina, than have the whole army of them flocked around, you know, talking to me and all that.


NOT.


Really, I'm a very shallow person. I have to admit it. I would do just about anything to become popular and have tons of hot guys buzzing around me. I like my friends. Not that I don't. But... Sometimes I think that being popular might just suit me better. But climbing the ladder is hard. I have come to the conclusion that I am one step away from being popular, but I am pulled back by my geeky friends... And being pulled back is good. I don't belong over the line, I don't belong with the populars. I should stick to my position as geek queen, or I can lose it all and become the freak that eats by herself in a corner and everyone avoids. I really, really don't know why I even posted this. To get it off my chest, I suppose. Well, it may not be the most brilliant piece of art, but at least it makes me feel better.
Hang in there.

The Future

Hey, everybody. By some miracle, I have no homework tonight. So I'm going to write a post.... This one doesn't have any real meaning or significance, mostly because nothing super spectacular has happened lately, but here I go anyway.

My future. Well, when I was six I wanted to be a cashier at a supermarket. I thought scanning the things and pressing the buttons was the coolest thing ever. Then when I was eight, I wanted to be a waitress. My dad told me that some waitresses get to do both, and I nearly fell over with glee. Then for a few years after that I wanted to be an actress. I could see myself in movies and TV shows, and I stuck to it. I did plays at school and drama club and all that.

Now, though, it's different. I don't want to be in food service (I actually had a job busing tables recently and I couldn't wait to quit...) or be an actress. I want to go to Darmouth College and I want to be an author. This one I've stuck with for a long time. I can't remember exactly, but I think I've wanted to be an author ever since the sixth grade. Dartmouth came after, but any other school is my fallback. (I know. I'm only a sophomore, and I already have a fallback? My mom's a teacher/guidance counselor. She's very much into checking out colleges and being prepared and all that.)

Why do I want to be an author? Well, I couldn't really give you an entirely logical reason. I dream about seeing my name on the cover of a bestseller in Borders or someplace. I dream about being that teenager who wrote this fantastic novel, though I'm not all about the hype or the fame. That's not why I write. I write for fun, and even though some of my friends find that a little strange, I do it anyway. It's the best way I know to vent, to let out my feelings. I get to create my own world and my own characters, and I'm completely in control of what happens. It's not as stressful as real life; I make good use of the Backspace button. I get to write how I feel and writing something is so much easier than saying it sometimes. I'm determined to get myself published someday. I've obviously considered that I might get some rejections, but I don't care. My friend always says "words have power," and I've followed that philosophy with my writing. I have myself convinced I'm going to have my own book out there someday, and I don't see myself as becoming a failure in that aspect. I'm prepared to get rejection letters from some publishers, but I know I'll get my acceptance or "Sure we'll publish your book!" or whatever you call it letter. I don't doubt that. Maybe I should, but I don't.

I do hope I haven't gotten you slumped onto your keyboard, snoring, because of all that. If you did fall asleep, I hope you had a good nap. ;-)

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,
Aravis

So Sorry

Hey everyone. So sorry I haven't posted in a while. Turns out trying to balance sleep, school, and fun makes you insanely busy.... I'll try and post after school today or tomorrow. I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving/long weekend.

Sorry again,
Aravis

Boredness and... 2 month old pie

Today the weather said severe snow and ice storms. Pshhh liars. It snowed for an hour and didn't stick. Then it rained for 10 minutes.
Well, Thanksgiving was ok. I've just been sitting around watching reruns of 30 Rock, and Dead Like Me, which is my favorite new show by the way. Even if they probably aren't making episodes anymore. Now about the 2 month old pie...

Well, today was very interesting. Sunday is usually hectic for us. (So much for day of rest right) Well, on Sundays, my brother and I have to clean our rooms to get our allowence. Sam usually doesn't clean, and then gets in tons of trouble and gets grounded and screams.
Well, that happened this weekend, like everyone of my 10 years living with him.
I wanted to go see Twilight with my friend Autumn, but Sam didn't clean, and chose to read Archie comics instead. So, naturally, I go up to his room and say," You just ruined it for me and Autumn. Please clean your room. Maybe we can all still go."
If one person doesn't clean their room, nothing happens.
"NOOOO" he screams in his shrill, little kid scream.
I just ignored him and hopelessly went down to my room across the hall. But as soon as I stepped foot inside my room, he threw something headed right toard my head. I slammed my door so nothing would hit me. I cleaned for a while, then went back down stairs, watched some tv, and after a couple hours i went back upstairs to see that THERE WAS 2 MONTH OLD PUMPKIN PIE ALL OVER MY DOOR, rug, bookshelf outside my door, and on the walls, and ceiling. The pie container bounced down after hitting my door and hit a glass door, smearing pie everywhere.
Sam never takes anything home from his locker, but he did this week and decided to throw the tuperwhere at my door. Its usually a stuffed animal, by the way.
I screamed. "oh.my.gawwwd"
"i dont care." Sam said even though he knew he was SOOO DEAD.
I really don't know how i couldn't have seen the pie when i left my room...
Mom was pissed. Dad was pissed. Everyone was pissed. Even Sam, who "didn't know it was going to explode."
I ended up going to see Twilight with Autumn, didn't really like it, by the way...
Sam didn't clean up so now my house smells like rotten... something.
Even though we used a latter to scrape the crap off the ceiling when we got home, the smell is faintly there and my family is giving him priorities and being nice and acting like he didn't just smother my room with moldy pie.
What a wonderful... wonderfull... Thanksgiving.

Srsly...

...Have you peeps forsaken this blog? I hope not. If you're too busy, it is right to notify us others...

Winter wonderland!

Yesterday was a "Hakuna Matata" attitude day. It was snowing BIG TIME! Unfortunately, the streets were wet and it didn't build up. :( But it's hard to be miserable on such a wonderful day! Oh and another ferosh thing -- NO SCHOOL ON MONDAY! The teachers are protesting... Isn't it a wonderful day when the governement itself accidentaly gives you a day off? And that means I get to see my fave people tommorrow...
My fave people? Here they are (in order of favouriteness)
1. Daniel
2. Daniel
3. Daniel [I think you've all guessed who that is by now)
4. Natasha, Andrijana, Anastasia
5. The twins, Tina, Camelia
6. Mimi and Sarah

Indecision

I can't decide. On a lot of things, actually. And it's not minor, insignificant things, either, like "chocolate... or vanilla?!" It's big-deal things.

See, I wouldn't call myself a hypocritical person, but I do have my days where I'm hyper and bubbly and fun and laugh-y, and then my days where I'm more subdued and quiet and thoughtful. My quiet days are usually my more inspired days. I've found that sometimes my mood for the day depends on what my morning was like and what music I listened to on the bus ride to school. But enough of the back story.

I can't decide whether I want to be the fun, joke-telling, bubbly Becka or the more thoughtful and quiet one. I really can't. And people always just tell you to be yourself, but what if you have no clue which part of you is the actual you? It's like The Incredibles, when Buddy (as IncrediBoy) says to Mr. Incredible "You always tell us to be true to yourself, but you never tell us which part of ourself to be true to." (I get a lot of life lessons - or questions - from Disney/Pixar movies....)

So there's my dilemma. It's easy admitting this in writing, rather than saying it to someone, I must say. So thank you, Zeph, for creating this blog. It's helped me a lot already, and I'm sure it's helped other people too. So hats off to you. :-)

Hope you all had a nice day. I like Saturdays.

Sincerely, although today was a more bubbly day,
Aravis